Rules from the Avengers tower
by spaceboi101
Summary: Nick Fury writes a list of rules for his team
1. updated version

**Rules from the Avengers tower**

**Welcome my dear readers my apologies for not updating in a few weeks so I have decided to post a few new stories**

**This is set after the Movie and AU Coulson is still alive**

**Ships: Tony/Pepper, Loki/Darcy, Bruce/Clint/Natasha **

**1.**No trying to provoke Bruce

**2.**Pants are not optional in the mission briefing room (Thor was bored and couldn't find his pants)

**3.**no trying to steal Steve's shield

**4.**Hulk is not aloud to use Thor's hammer

**5.**when in Asgard no introducing Nick Fury to Odin on the pretence of "they would get along I mean they are both leaders and other things"

**6.**no trying to fly the TARDIS on the Bifrost bridge (we still haven't heard from the Sec and Rory, we are trying to find them)

**7. **no flying the Helicarrier while drunk

**8. **Tony is not allowed to do "science" drunk

**9. **no sex in the briefing room

**10. **when bored no trying to steal Nick Fury's eyepatch


	2. Chapter 2

**Rules from the Avengers tower**

**Welcome my dear readers my apologies for not updating in a few weeks so I have decided to post a few new stories**

**This is set after the Movie and AU Coulson is still alive**

**Ships: Tony/Pepper, Loki/Darcy, Bruce/Clint/Natasha **

**11. **no trying to blow up the Helicarrier**  
**

**12.** no trying to open the bifrost inside a building

**13.** no using Thor's hammer to try and kill a mosquito

**14.** no smoking in the helicarrier (last time it happened we had to be on lockdown for a few days)

**15.** when on Asgard no trying to out-drink any of the warriors three

**16.** Steve and Bruce are not allowed to prank any members of the team when the others are hungover

**17.** when Loki is visiting you are not allowed to try and hang anything off his helmet

**18.** no playing strip ping-pong (_you idiots will do anything Stark challenges you to do, Black Widow)_

**19.**Quoting Freakazoid is now being monitored by Fury.

(That show is so badass!)

(I like running around like him!)

(Whooosshh!)

*"Just let me throw a barrel at it!" (That will solve your problem in a nut shell!)

*"Now, now, ladies, there's plenty of me for everybody - if not, I'll just have 'em draw me bigger." (Yeah,Tony, that was smooth.)

*"This was only a test. If there had been an actual emergency, we would have gone like this: AHHHHHH! HELP! HELP US! NO! GET US OUT OF HERE! HELP ME! HELP EVERYONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (What exactly Tony was thinking when he did that I have no idea but it was effective.) (In case of an emergency, throw blunt objects at Tony for his screaming!)

*"What's Oops Insurance?" (Good question, and I have an answer.) (SHIELD insurance when dealing with Bruce.) (And Thor.) (And various others.)

*"I said, give me another one. Curse your tiny paper hat!"

*"If I wanna blitz myself into some papaya-induced hallucination that's MY business!" (I really shouldn't eat Papaya's anymore.)(Haaahahahahaha!)

*"That's just what it sounds like Mr. Fancy Man sitting in your chair!" (Take that, Morshower!)(And thank you for having a sense of humor!)

*"I probably blew the animation budget for the WHOLE season on that one fight!"

*"There's a _door_ not ten feet away. A fine invention. You should try it." (The walls constant need of repairing is getting expensive.)

**20.**Quotes from Johnny the Homicidal Maniac are incredibly banned.

(Which sucks because it is so damn funny!)

*"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE!" (Natasha was so pissed.) (Note to self, no hiding the bactine.) (If you don't know what that is, it's best you don't ask.) ("That woman frightens me.") (She frightens alot of people, Thor.)

*"You flaw. At least I'm under the delusion of doing something productive." (Bruce is getting so defensive.) (But kudos to calling Clint a delusion.)

*""I've been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I've done horrifying things with salad tongs. It's really eaten into my social life." (Tony, I'd stop talking if I were you, Steve starting to get creeped out and that takes some doing.)

*"It's okay! I'm alright! I think my spine has exploded, but I'm fine." (Coulson, that's my flying skateboard!)

*"You know that feeling you get? The one where you just know you're going to projectile vomit out of every orifice? I feel that right now. I want you away. Leave me to my vomit."

*"HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING FUCKED WITH STEEL?" (Wow, Loki.)

*"Try the stew...it's delicious." (No thanks)

*"Two nights ago, I was taking a walk at night, and this little chihuahua started following me! GODDAMMIT! IT KNEW! I ran, and finally lost it, and made it home! BUT IT KNEW! IT KNEWWWW! Did the **DOG** SEND YOU?" ("Clint, breathe.") (Bruce)

*"So forgive me and shut up." (Hah! My new favorite catch phrase!) (Even more then my Mythbusters one!)

*"This is worse than goth poetry." (Pepper shopping with Agent Hill is torture!)

*"Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a man like the thought of their impending death. I see by the looks of you that you understand." (Coulson, you put 'bad' in badass!)

*"Moo! Moo! Mooo! I'm voodoo cursing you!" (Darcy...sadly, mooing is not going to curse Fury.) (Trust me, I've tried...)

*"Accept my heartwarming gift of tree scratchies!" (Clint.)("What the frag are tree scratchies?")("I haven't the foggiest idea but just accept them!")

*"You have invoked an evil older than man! Older than croutons!" (Bwahaha Tony...)

*"You know what's worse than hiding from what scares you? Do you? I'll tell you- it's having good things pass you by because you're too busy cringing in idiot terror, hiding someplace where all you can do is dwell on shit!" (I thought Steve needed a little pep talk.)

*"I am wiggling my leg! Witness my leg!" ("Witness it!") ("Bruce, shut the fuck up!") (Coulson is such a hard ass!)

(Ahhh, nothing better then a comic about a psychotic homicidal teen!)


End file.
